Kids on the Borderlands: The Orc Caves B+C — Part 2 (Rooms 9 + 10)

The cave's we've been covering up 'till now.

Room 9: The Banquet Area (This Is A Capital “L” Location)

If you keep going to the left of the entrance, you reach the Banquet Area. It has a great fireplace on the south wall (which the map seems to give a little crawlspace behind for no explained reason) in which the fire is still burning, but just weakly. There are many benches and tables here, of which a big throne like chair is sitting in the north, in which the leader will hold court when needed. 

This is a great place to take the adventurers if they are captured at any point. The leader likes to hold court and to flaunt his power and wealth. This could be a good place for a hearing. It would be farcical and very silly. I think I should revisit the court hearing in Alice in Wonderland for this. It’s also a great way to show the idea of chaos in a funny way that is not just “kill kill kill”, as the module seems to assume. It would also give players that are more skilled in social combat a way to use their talents and cliches. This is also a place where they could learn about the different orc tribes and possible distrust between them. They could be accused to be spies or asked to be spies for the “king” of the orcs.

Introducing King Snort

At the Court of King Snort (procedure):

At the Court of King Snort you defend yourself from being accused by doing several tests that have very little to do with actual court procedures. The lawyers at each side just try to argue which tests need to be done. These are some of the tests: Armwrestling, Eating a disgusting thing (accuser chooses, orcs will choose things they find disgusting, such as fresh vegetables like carrots), a staring contest, holding up a weight the longest, trying to catch a live chicken, make a statue in the honor of King Snort, help to do something to sabotage another faction … Always find a way to explain it in a ridiculous way. It usually means that it’s a way to show strength in a ridiculous way, flatter the king somehow (but what does the king like?) or just plain bribery.

This will last for however long until King Snort makes a decision. The players should have some say in trying to influence what type of task they want to perform to prove they are innocent. Either they have an appointed ‘lawyer’ or they represent themselves. This last option seems to be the best. In any case, between each trial there’s a face where the next task will be decided. The king has to decide which task he wants to see. If needed, rolls can be made for it, but it could be that King Snort just arbitrarily likes one suggestion more than another. Talk with each other how involved they want the arguing to be. If they want to use multiple turns, using multiple arguments, make it an extended conflict, otherwise a single roll will do.

How many tests need to be done depends on some rolls. Both their wins and failures accrue dice as cliches and get rolled towards a TN depended on how invested the King is in the entire procedure. If he’s bored or has more important matters to do, it will be low, like a 5. The more invested he is, the higher the TN will be and consequently, the more tasks will need to be done before he makes a verdict.

Madam Mim is setting unrealistic beauty expectations for female orcs.

If the players find their way here unnoticed, they will find it empty. Roll a die and half it to use as a countdown die. It will take that many actions before a “cleaning crew” of female orcs will come. They will be lugging mops and a big tub of a thick brown substance that looks like mud, but smells like there could be something else in there as well. They will start ‘mopping’ the room, spreading the muck everywhere. The big tub is carried by four of them (Big Muscled Tub Luggers (4)) while there are three of them with the mops and rags needed to ‘clean’ (Regular Cleaning Crew (3)). The carriers will put down the giant bucket start collecting the dirty mugs and plates and start feeding the leftovers to the vermin in the room. Some of them will check on the vermin, to see if they are doing well. They might remark about it. (“The rats are doing well, but I’m a bit worried there’s so little maggots.”) The others will take to plates and cups, spit on/in them and start ‘cleaning’ them with the dirty rags. Any defeated cleaners will no longer be in room 10, being taken away from the female orc count there.

They will argue about which of the men are the “handsomest”. It’s a bit of a competition it seems between Spitter and Hangnail, because one of them has more warts (this is a bonus) and the other is has such a hairy back (this is also a bonus). If they are encountered again later, different gossip might be needed.

From here you can go left (to 10), left again (to 10 again), right (the the Trophy Wall Location) or up/down a slope straight ahead (to 11)

Baby Orcs - More on where orcs come from in a following blogpost.

Room 10: Common Room

This is a big room with a floor covered in straw and what is hopefully mud. It’s filled with the piglike orcs lounging about. Rather, the men are lounging about while the female orcs rush around, taking care of each of them, making them grub sandwiches, massaging their shoulders, etc. The men are 4 groups of 3 orcs. (3) The women are 6 groups of three orcs (3) and the young orcs are one group of 9 piglets in diapers (3), crawling around, wreaking havoc and mischief.

Should a fight break out the men will fight while the women will only get physical if you come to close yourself or if you go after the kids. Otherwise they will yell insults to attackers and cheer the men on. The kids will roam around and cause trouble randomly. Each turn of the fight in the room, roll a die. On a 1-3 they cause trouble for the orcs, on a 4-6 they cause trouble for the opposition, as they crawl around between legs, throw stuff, argue, try to get to something in the confusion, etc.

If entered unnoticed one of the following options might occur:

• Hey there handsome! A few of the younger ladies are trying to impress a big, burly, warty, hairy and stinky orc. One of them brings a ‘freshly made’ grub sandwich, the other gives a foot massage and another recites some bad poetry that she’s trying to improvise. It goes badly.

• Brawl! A baby has managed to get on to a shelf of bottles with wriggling grubs. It pushes one of them onto a sleeping orc. He thinks is was another orc. A fight ensues.

• Arm Wrestling Competition: Two orcs are doing an arm wresting competition. One is about to win, until the other grabs a club, knocks him out cold and finishes the game, winning.

• Eating Competition: Most of the orc have passed out on the floor, stacks of plates beside them. Two of them are still going, being cheered on by the women. The women keep preparing ‘food’ while they eat. At one point a baby almost gets eaten by accident, etc. Some possible foods are old shoes, a broken cart wheel slathered in mayonaise, old sock salad, etc.

• The babies run wild! Rather than a challenge, this is a countdown die (roll a die, halve the result) until the babies are captured. Instead of lowering the countdown die every turn, roll a die. On 4-6, the situation gets better as some of the babies are caught and the countdown die counts down. 1-3 some orcs are knocked out and the countdown die increases (to a maximum of 6). Once all orcs are knocked out (6) or the babies are caught (0) the situation changes. Either the babies go on a rampage throughout the dungeon. Each further encounter/scene has a countdown die for “rampaging babies (5)” or the babies are put in a cage to calm down as the adults let themself sag to the floor and on tables in exhaustion. (less/no chance to be spotted when sneaking past)

• THE EPIC FART OF DOOM! One of the orcs lets out a massive fart. This is greeted by cheers at first, and then the faces change, some of the orcs start to gag and pass out. There’s a panic as everybody runs to the Banquet Area for relief. It’s a RAMPAGE OF ORCS! (6) that needs to be saved against to avoid being trampled. The room is filled with “THE EPIC FART OIF DOOM (6)” against which a save needs to be made as an extended conflict as long as you are in the room. The fart remains there for the remainder of the day/night.

From here you can only get back to the Banquet Area (9), to which there are two exits to the right.

There is no treasure to be found here, except some food not appropriate to humans.