On Goblins

Goblins in the movie Labyrinth, by Jim Henson. Part of the inspiration.

 

Goblins: 

HP: 2 // ARMOR 6

stats for Maze Rats

It is true that Goblins were children stolen from their crib and turned into goblins by the Witch Magobia. The following is also true about them:

• They never grow bigger than a toddler, as their growth is stunted by their strange diet.
• Their skin gets an unhealthy grey and wrinkles as if they are of very old age. Their pupils turn a very pale-pink color and their hair a greasy black.

• Most grow up to be mean, fearful and craven.

When encountering Goblins in the wild they…


• Try to hide or run away if you are stronger than them.

• Are singing a dreadful song that teaches to be mean.

• Are carrying a stolen baby and arguing about who has to take care of it.

The dreadful goblin-song teaches…


1. Stealing a one legged man’s crutches and burying them in the woods. And then again and again as he gets new crutches. 

If you listen to the song long enough, you figure out where these places are. If you check you will find a one legged man and a place in the woods where 1d6x10 crutches are buried. Returning the crutches will make you a hero to that family and village. Unless the goblins in question are dealt with, the stealing will continue.


2. A song about secretly giving someone laxative. It goes into detail about the pains, sounds, smells and textures of the resulting trouble. 

If you listen long enough you get the recipe from the song.


3. A song about what they’d all want to do to their ‘Momma Magobia’, bringing the punishments they got from her back to her, but making them even more mean. They sing in turn, trying to one-up each other. 

If you listen long enough you learn the way to find The Witch Magobia.


4. A song about how to anger a bear and lure it into a camp of unwitting, sleeping travelers. 

If you listen long enough you learn how to find a bear and —I guess— how to make it angry.
 You also learn one of their tactics.

5. A song about how to mimic someone in need, drowning, hurt, … to trick people into running in danger.

It are some handy tips, and if you listen long enough you can learn some of these techniques.


6. A song about how to spoil crops by sowing weeds in fields and gardens. It details which weeds do what. 

If you listen long enough, not only do you improve your knowledge of harmful weeds slightly, but you learn when to catch them in the act.

 I'm running the Borderlands via play-by-post over discord, and I'm using Maze Rats to do it. I like how it gives me extra incentive to reinvent things as I have to convert things anyway. One of these things is that I've been thinking about Fire Beetles and how they might be regarded in my take on a setting, a Medieval France type deal, where all the weird stuff is actually still weird. And I want to keep it that way. Things should be mysterious and unexplainable. I was first thinking of expanding the bugs into stages of life etc. but decided not to do that. Anyway, this is my first draft.

art by Caeora on Deviantart. - Not entirely how I envision it, but close enough for this article.

On Fire Beetles:

ARMOR:6 // HP:4

Fire beetles are:

• As large as a small dog or a big house-cat.


• Live primarily underground but tend to come out during the night. They do not like the light.

• Have glowing glands in their antennae and abdomen. These can be harvested and keep glowing for 1d days. Practiced alchemists can craft these into foci for light magic. (obscure knowledge)

Fire beetles are believed to be:

• Angry spirits of the dead, not wanting to grant other spirits rest.


They do tend to end up digging into graveyards and — being scavengers — will eat the corpses buried there. Most people who know the creatures and study them will be skeptical of this rumor.

• Fairy creatures crossed over from the land of fairy. 

This might possibly even be true. But it might also not be. A lot is said about fairies, but little is understood.

• Normal glow-bugs corrupted by dark forces or magic to grow to unnatural size.

This might be the work from the Witch Magobia. But people say so many things about her.  

Fire beetles will:

• Scavenge for food, preferring food that rots or has strong odors/flavors.

• Dig a hole to lay their eggs in. 


They are particularly thorough builders, making strangely sound and well thought out underground complexes having multiple rooms and what could be seen as decorations by those in the know. These are made to their size though, and are hard, if not impossible to navigate for humans. Sometimes children (or goblins, which are the same size) get stuck in it.

• Hum their wings in different pitches, creating haunting songs. 


Combine this with their glow in the night on their hill, and people will make up lot’s of strange stories about it.

Playing with adults in Antwerp

 So on the 2nd of April there was a little gaming day organized in Antwerp. Antwerp is close by enough that I could easily come for one of the games. For the shift that I was in, there would be three games that would be played, an 1st Edition AD&D game, a home-brew game and Starfinder. I had signed up for Starfinder. The day before I heard that Starfinder was cancelled as the GM had contracted Covid. I said that there was no problem, I would come and either join one of the other games or quickly do some kind of improv game.

I arrived, barely on time on Saturday, with some options in my backpack, which turned out to be nice, because of all the people that had said they would come, only four people were there, including the organizer. The guy running first edition needed 6 people for his game, so that was a no go, and the guy with the home-brew was more interested in what I brought to the table, so I showed them some options.

I introduces Lady Blackbird and I read out some of the Michael Prescott adventure seeds for his locations and one page dungeons type things. We ended up going for The Full Dark Stone, of which the rumors read like this:

• Skull-headed knights have been seen gathering herbs along the river.

• Mournful piping has been heard echoing for miles, its source unknown.

• It’s said that upriver, the fish fly.

• The river folk sell chips of black stone that stay warm to the touch.

 I decided to use my trusty RISUS as a system, which none of them seemed familiar with, which caused for some misunderstandings, but all in all was easy to grasp.

Some things I learned:

Playing with adults is different from playing with kids. These guys came up with character backgrounds, asked about the setting, and wanted to understand the system. 

I learned that, at least for games at a convention or for one shots, I should prepare some more lore about the world or the setting, or that I should make some pre-gens with some lore built in. 

I also learned that translating on the fly is harder than I thought, and that even though all the info was on two pages, it didn't necessarily make things very easy/fast to find. 

I really liked roleplaying in Dutch though. I'm surprised how much that mattered to me. It made the childlike wonder feel more real, playing in the language that I heard my bedtime stories in. It made describing things feel more real, it conjured more local images of swamps and rivers etc.

I learned that playing three hours straight, with translating on the fly and trying to find my way in a document that has the info spread out made me quite a bit more tired than I thought I'd be.

I learned that I liked this a lot. I've been running around buzzing with excitement for a few days now. It was a lot of fun.

Kids on the Borderlands: The Orc Caves B+C — Part 2 (Rooms 9 + 10)

The cave's we've been covering up 'till now.

Room 9: The Banquet Area (This Is A Capital “L” Location)

If you keep going to the left of the entrance, you reach the Banquet Area. It has a great fireplace on the south wall (which the map seems to give a little crawlspace behind for no explained reason) in which the fire is still burning, but just weakly. There are many benches and tables here, of which a big throne like chair is sitting in the north, in which the leader will hold court when needed. 

This is a great place to take the adventurers if they are captured at any point. The leader likes to hold court and to flaunt his power and wealth. This could be a good place for a hearing. It would be farcical and very silly. I think I should revisit the court hearing in Alice in Wonderland for this. It’s also a great way to show the idea of chaos in a funny way that is not just “kill kill kill”, as the module seems to assume. It would also give players that are more skilled in social combat a way to use their talents and cliches. This is also a place where they could learn about the different orc tribes and possible distrust between them. They could be accused to be spies or asked to be spies for the “king” of the orcs.

Introducing King Snort

At the Court of King Snort (procedure):

At the Court of King Snort you defend yourself from being accused by doing several tests that have very little to do with actual court procedures. The lawyers at each side just try to argue which tests need to be done. These are some of the tests: Armwrestling, Eating a disgusting thing (accuser chooses, orcs will choose things they find disgusting, such as fresh vegetables like carrots), a staring contest, holding up a weight the longest, trying to catch a live chicken, make a statue in the honor of King Snort, help to do something to sabotage another faction … Always find a way to explain it in a ridiculous way. It usually means that it’s a way to show strength in a ridiculous way, flatter the king somehow (but what does the king like?) or just plain bribery.

This will last for however long until King Snort makes a decision. The players should have some say in trying to influence what type of task they want to perform to prove they are innocent. Either they have an appointed ‘lawyer’ or they represent themselves. This last option seems to be the best. In any case, between each trial there’s a face where the next task will be decided. The king has to decide which task he wants to see. If needed, rolls can be made for it, but it could be that King Snort just arbitrarily likes one suggestion more than another. Talk with each other how involved they want the arguing to be. If they want to use multiple turns, using multiple arguments, make it an extended conflict, otherwise a single roll will do.

How many tests need to be done depends on some rolls. Both their wins and failures accrue dice as cliches and get rolled towards a TN depended on how invested the King is in the entire procedure. If he’s bored or has more important matters to do, it will be low, like a 5. The more invested he is, the higher the TN will be and consequently, the more tasks will need to be done before he makes a verdict.

Madam Mim is setting unrealistic beauty expectations for female orcs.

If the players find their way here unnoticed, they will find it empty. Roll a die and half it to use as a countdown die. It will take that many actions before a “cleaning crew” of female orcs will come. They will be lugging mops and a big tub of a thick brown substance that looks like mud, but smells like there could be something else in there as well. They will start ‘mopping’ the room, spreading the muck everywhere. The big tub is carried by four of them (Big Muscled Tub Luggers (4)) while there are three of them with the mops and rags needed to ‘clean’ (Regular Cleaning Crew (3)). The carriers will put down the giant bucket start collecting the dirty mugs and plates and start feeding the leftovers to the vermin in the room. Some of them will check on the vermin, to see if they are doing well. They might remark about it. (“The rats are doing well, but I’m a bit worried there’s so little maggots.”) The others will take to plates and cups, spit on/in them and start ‘cleaning’ them with the dirty rags. Any defeated cleaners will no longer be in room 10, being taken away from the female orc count there.

They will argue about which of the men are the “handsomest”. It’s a bit of a competition it seems between Spitter and Hangnail, because one of them has more warts (this is a bonus) and the other is has such a hairy back (this is also a bonus). If they are encountered again later, different gossip might be needed.

From here you can go left (to 10), left again (to 10 again), right (the the Trophy Wall Location) or up/down a slope straight ahead (to 11)

Baby Orcs - More on where orcs come from in a following blogpost.

Room 10: Common Room

This is a big room with a floor covered in straw and what is hopefully mud. It’s filled with the piglike orcs lounging about. Rather, the men are lounging about while the female orcs rush around, taking care of each of them, making them grub sandwiches, massaging their shoulders, etc. The men are 4 groups of 3 orcs. (3) The women are 6 groups of three orcs (3) and the young orcs are one group of 9 piglets in diapers (3), crawling around, wreaking havoc and mischief.

Should a fight break out the men will fight while the women will only get physical if you come to close yourself or if you go after the kids. Otherwise they will yell insults to attackers and cheer the men on. The kids will roam around and cause trouble randomly. Each turn of the fight in the room, roll a die. On a 1-3 they cause trouble for the orcs, on a 4-6 they cause trouble for the opposition, as they crawl around between legs, throw stuff, argue, try to get to something in the confusion, etc.

If entered unnoticed one of the following options might occur:

• Hey there handsome! A few of the younger ladies are trying to impress a big, burly, warty, hairy and stinky orc. One of them brings a ‘freshly made’ grub sandwich, the other gives a foot massage and another recites some bad poetry that she’s trying to improvise. It goes badly.

• Brawl! A baby has managed to get on to a shelf of bottles with wriggling grubs. It pushes one of them onto a sleeping orc. He thinks is was another orc. A fight ensues.

• Arm Wrestling Competition: Two orcs are doing an arm wresting competition. One is about to win, until the other grabs a club, knocks him out cold and finishes the game, winning.

• Eating Competition: Most of the orc have passed out on the floor, stacks of plates beside them. Two of them are still going, being cheered on by the women. The women keep preparing ‘food’ while they eat. At one point a baby almost gets eaten by accident, etc. Some possible foods are old shoes, a broken cart wheel slathered in mayonaise, old sock salad, etc.

• The babies run wild! Rather than a challenge, this is a countdown die (roll a die, halve the result) until the babies are captured. Instead of lowering the countdown die every turn, roll a die. On 4-6, the situation gets better as some of the babies are caught and the countdown die counts down. 1-3 some orcs are knocked out and the countdown die increases (to a maximum of 6). Once all orcs are knocked out (6) or the babies are caught (0) the situation changes. Either the babies go on a rampage throughout the dungeon. Each further encounter/scene has a countdown die for “rampaging babies (5)” or the babies are put in a cage to calm down as the adults let themself sag to the floor and on tables in exhaustion. (less/no chance to be spotted when sneaking past)

• THE EPIC FART OF DOOM! One of the orcs lets out a massive fart. This is greeted by cheers at first, and then the faces change, some of the orcs start to gag and pass out. There’s a panic as everybody runs to the Banquet Area for relief. It’s a RAMPAGE OF ORCS! (6) that needs to be saved against to avoid being trampled. The room is filled with “THE EPIC FART OIF DOOM (6)” against which a save needs to be made as an extended conflict as long as you are in the room. The fart remains there for the remainder of the day/night.

From here you can only get back to the Banquet Area (9), to which there are two exits to the right.

There is no treasure to be found here, except some food not appropriate to humans.

Kids on the Borderlands: The Orc Caves (B+C) - part 1

The Orcs on the Borderlands: Caves B and C or rooms 7-16

Pig Faced Orc by Trash Mob Minis

In the game I play with the kids using RISUS, the orcs are Pig Men who are dirty, gluttonous and lazy. Evil is also comically evil in this game, because I’m playing with young kids. This makes these encounters and scenes a lot more fun than dangerous, though there is danger and —depending on the sensibilities of the kids— lethal. Though situations should play out in such a way that evil should not triumph but rather defeat itself.

I started thinking about this because in the game I play when we’re done early in class, the kid made it until the caves and decided to check out cave C. So I’ve been reading that entry lately, thinking about how I could run it for this 6 or 7 year old kid. And I thought some of the changes I made in converting this would be interesting to share and write out.

First off, the module doesn’t really describe things all that much, which gives the freedom to interpret things immensely, but also kind of makes you do all the work still. Orcs in the lair are usually divided in 4 big types of orcs, maybe 5. You’ve got the Leader at the top, often the baddest of them all, then the leader’s guard(s), regular orc men, orc women (non combatants) and children (non combatants). With groups of adults the entire moral quandary of fighting kids is a hot topic, but if the heroes venturing in are kids as well, this changes slightly, and the playing field is more equal again. 

Unless you do what I guess I did, and just see what choice the kid is going to make (and be prepared to talk about it). I am kind of making these my own, by stereotyping this stereotypical view a lot more, but make everyone able to do combat. I intend to role play them, which hopefully will lead to laughs and maybe even makes the kid think twice before defeating them. Also, the kid will rarely kill on camera anyway, since I’m treating violence the Home Alone way. They can apply it gratuitously, but the baddies will just be knocked out.

Anyway, let’s see what I can make of this. Even though my pupil is entering the C caves, I’ll start with the B caves since that’s the order they are in the book and I like going down the list. The caves are connected anyway.

Cave B Entrance: Wall of Trophies

The entry to the B caves is pretty amazing at first read, being a wall of mounted heads, of which one is a fake one, being an orc sticking his head through the wall as a lookout. I’m saying at first read, because the description says that as soon as the orc spots the players intruding he will switch out for a goblin head and go alert the guards in room seven. This takes away a lot of the comedy inherent in this scene since the players will not reach the mounted heads before the fake one is switched out for the real goblin one. 

I suggest making it a more extended scene. The players will probably want to be exploring this strange set piece poking and prodding. And did this head just wink? Did it look at me? It looks like it’s eyes are following me! Do you hear breathing? Etc. I think making the orc wink at one player character and hold still for the others might be something if there are more players than just one. Choose a fitting one or roll randomly for it.

Also, player characters native to the area, or other NPC’s might recognize heads mounted on the walls. They might be family, or loved ones, they could be enemies as well, or missing persons of high importance. Bringing back proof of their demise might earn some favors to some people.

I’d say that only once the player characters try to move on or the gig is up the orc will raise the alarm and then head over, the fake board his head was supposed to be mounted on still around his neck. He leads the other 4 guards with him in a flanking attack after shouting the alarm.

From 8 (to the front via the left): (arriving after a turn)

• “Mounted” Orc Guard: Sneaky Orc Guard (3) — Treasure: Money pouch, mounting-head board.

• Orc Flankers (2) x2 — Treasure: Money pouch (1 each)

From 7 (to the right): (immediately)
• Orc Guards (2) x2 — Treasure: Money pouch (1 each)

The scene itself is a sort of T-intersection. The entrance to the outside to their back and entrances to the left and right. They will be flanked if they don’t fall back. If they fall back they will only be able to fight groups of two orcs at a time.

Room 7: A guard room with 4 orc guards. If not alerted they are just hanging around. They can be doing multiple things.

Pick one or make up your own, or roll for it if you cannot choose. There are six given.
• Playing cards and cheating at it.
• One is sleeping while the others see how many things they can stack on him before he awakes.
• pretending to read a book (it’s upside down) and lording it over the others that he can read, spouting ‘things he’s learned’ that are just things he’s making up that might be true or not. It’s actually a book about training animals to do tricks. If the guards rushed in and are not here, the book will be lying around.
• Giving each other hints about how to find a girlfriend. They are all bad/stupid advice.
• A flexing competition, the others hold up signs with numbers to score each other.
• Comparing lunchboxes. “Aw man, feet again?”, one complains when holding up a human foot. Another one likes feet better than his ears and eyes salad and wants to trade. If too gruesome, change to gross stuff that is not horrifying. Like “Old Shoe again?!”, while another makes fun of him and touting his giant mould covered potato his wife prepared for him, etc.

There’s some crates with spare cups, plates and spoons, all made from wood. There’s a crude table and some wooden three legged stools. Theres a tablecloth over the table. It’s mustard yellow with a pattern of red skulls on it. Other than that, there is nothing of significance. There is only one exit/entrance.

Room 8: A guard room for flanking. It is the backside of the wall of mounted heads. This is a wooden frame with rough stone stuck onto it. Beding are piles of straw and mud where the pig men are wallowing in. Normally there would be the four orcs and their leader here. 

If found without being seen in the entrance you will find the leader sticking his head through the trap and the others doing one of the following:

• Arguing over the best pile of mud.
• One is sleeping while the others see how many things they can stack on him before he awakes.
• Pretending to read a magazine (it’s upside down) and lording it over the others that he can read, spouting ‘things he’s learned’ that are just things he’s making up that might be true or not. It’s actually a magazine for all kinds of weapons. If the guards rushed in and are not here, the magazine will be lying around. 
• Giving each other hints about how to find a girlfriend. They are surprisingly thoughtful, if not a bit disturbing. (find out which human they like best so as to offer her their head, etc.)
• A farting competition, the others hold up signs with numbers to score each other. One of them just fainted.
• Discussing which brand of petrol is best combined with which beer.

Kids On The Borderland: The Adventures of Jason the Ninja - Part 1: Sir Richard Bluecarrot the Knight.

 As we have some time left over at the end of the lessons, we sometimes play some RPG. This goes very slowly as we're playing it in sessions as short as 5 minutes at the time sometimes. This time, a student of 7 years old made an adventurer character called Robin the Ninja, using my regular Risus setup and B2 - Keep on the Borderlands.

So enter Jason the Ninja:

• Ninja 4
• Language Buff 3
• Basketball Player 2
• Cook 1

He decided he wanted to check out the caves for treasure so we went on our way and I rolled to see if there was a random encounter. Or I just decided to roll to see which random encounter he came upon, I can't remember. It was weeks ago. I rolled up a giant gecko, which I just explained as a giant lizard. I googled a picture of a dimetrodon and showed that to him. I improvised a little scene to make it interesting. The beast was sunning on a log while a knight in armour with a broken shield and sword was laying on the ground going "Ow! Ow! Owowowowowowow! That was a bad idea!"

Jason the Ninja went on to kick the Giant Lizard (3) without getting a scratch on himself. I made it a drawn out combat encounter, rather than a one roll type of encounter. He didn't get hit once, and made the lizard ran off (I let him narrate his own victory). He then carried the knight back to the castle to save him. I asked him his favorite colour and his favorite vegetable, because ... I dunno, it's silly, and made it into the name of the knight. He had now made a friend. Sir Richard Bluecarrot will accompany him on his adventures from now on, if able. Jason immediately started to train the knight in the art of the Ninja "so he can protect himself", providing him with a trampoline to practice his flips, succeeding in it.

And that's where this part ended.

Sir Richard Bluecarrot:

• Knight 3
• Ninja 2

Kids of the Borderland: Carnaval 2022 Actual Play Report

Yesterday was the last day before what we call "krokusvakantie" or "crocus vacation" also known as Carnaval Vacation. Carnaval being the Catholic dress-up feast before the start of Lent, also known as Mardi Gras, but not the Louisiana version of it. That's not to say that for some adults it's not also a bacchanal, but it's mostly a party where kids dress up and have a fun day. There's often parades etc.

But yeah. The kids were not in the mood for lessons, which I had anticipated. So, we played a roleplaying game. I only got to it with one group, which was a group of 9 year olds. I chose to run Keep on the Borderlands with RISUS, but have it more geared towards young kids. I know one of the kids in that class is easily upset by violence in stories etc.

I started the game with narrating that the kids went to school, all ready for Carnaval, wearing their outfits. But when they entered the school, they were suddenly in a castle. Their costume were also no costumes anymore. So who were they? We had a Pirate, Minecraft Steve, Angel and Respectful Army General. Taking a page out of some FATE quick start game rules, this just became their higher RISUS cliche, at 4 dice. They met a bearded jester ("Teacher! That's you!") who explained them that they were in a world of adventure and they could go where they want. He gave them options, and they chose the caves.

They did not meet anything on their way to the caves, and in the caves they wanted to explore their surroundings first to decide which cave they went into. The pirate was like "I for sure have a spyglass whit which to look", which I found awesome, the angel flew up and looked around from in the air, before giving up on the game and just keep coloring. This showed them the teamwork rules from RISUS, which turned out to work so well, that they kept trying to do things together afterward. Almost alway someone would roll a 6 to add to the result for the leader.

Anyway, I explained some of the creatures they saw, they decided to go for the giant. As I asked what they wanted to do, the Pirate asked if he had an atomic bomb. I asked him why he would have it. He explained he was basically not only a Pirate, but also an Explosion Loving Inventor. This then became his second cliche, at a value of 3. I then decided that an atomic bomb would be very hard, and set the target number to casually having an atomic bomb with you at 20. Since that would not be possible, he didn't get it, but I gave him a classic, big cartoon pirate bomb. Like that black orb with a fuse coming from it. "Aw, that's lame", he said, with a smile.

The others also wanted to see if they had some artillery. Minecraft Steve installed a mod (this kid, for real) which made it possible to craft hand grenades. And he succeeded. He had a hand grenade. The Army General also rolled to have a hand grenade and for sure had one. They all chucked their artillery n the cave, surprising the Giant (5) and with their teamwork beat him. I didn't want to extend this fight, it was basically an ambush, and it succeeded, so they won. The giant stumbled out, all covered in soot, and fell down, K.O. (Home-Alone rules of violence).

I asked what they wanted to do. Did they want to see what the giant had on him or did they want to see what was in his cave. They decided they wanted to go into the cave and see if there was something to eat. (I dunno why, but I guess they were hungry). I decided that yes, there was something to eat. But no, giants do not eat the same as humans. Inside they found, in a cave, a classmate, in their outfit, ready to be turned into a pie or something. They went about trying to open the cage and they also found a treasure chest. Then the bell was about to go as they decided to keep looking for treasure, and I narrated the end.

"... and then you wake up. It was all a dream, and today is the last day of school, before carnaval vacation. You're exited to come to school, all dressed up."

All in all, a great success.